Love Languages Made Easy by a Romance Coach!
Love Languages - what in the world is that?
Have you heard of Love Languages? Gary Chapman wrote an amazing book- Click here to get a free audible version of The 5 Love Languages!
This book is about how people express and receive love in 5 basic ways:
Words of Affirmations,
Quality Time and
Acts of Service.
Take a free quiz here if you do not know how you and your sweetheart feel love!
In his book he goes on to explain that if you went on a date with someone who spoke a different language then you- you would have a hard time communicating and understanding each other as well. The same is true in a relationship as well, because how we feel and receive love can be different than other people!
It is also important to know and recognize what your spouse’s top love languages are so you can be more understanding when they are trying to express their love to you in the language that is comfortable for them.
Let me explain more with a personal story!
My husband and I have a great marriage, but just like anyone else we have our fair amount of struggles and challenges in our marriage that we have to continually work through!
When we were first married I remember celebrating his birthday, wanting to really do something that would make my husband know how much I loved him. So I went all out and got him lots of fun, thoughtful and meaningful gifts, because that is what I thought he would like. I spent a lot of time finding these perfect gifts and was so excited to give him these gifts that I knew he would just love...
However I was sorely disappointed with his lack of enthusiasm when he opened them! While I knew that he appreciated my efforts, I could tell that he was not excited about these gifts. I remember feeling disappointed and bummed out and honestly frustrated because of all the time and thought I had put into getting him these perfect gifts.
When I was buying and wrapping the gifts- I honestly pictured him just raving about the gifts and how much he loved them and loved me for getting them for him. If the situation was reversed, that is what I have done. I would have LOVED all the thoughtful and meaningful gifts to me and felt very loved by the thoughtfulness of the gifts!
Later that evening I had made him is favorite meal and dessert. I was surprised when he went on and on about how he loved this special dinner. The dinner was not my main focus of the evening, it was the gifts!
However, I remember the aha moment when I figured out how to make him feel loved, with his main love language of acts of service- So when I made him his favorite dinner and dessert that night, he felt loved by that. That was a lot simpler then spending so much time on buying and stressing over gifts.
In discussing this with my husband and on re-reading this book, I figured out that the love language of gifts is not how my husband feels loved- in fact he doesn't even like getting gifts usually! In fact when you ask him what he wants for his Birthday or Christmas- his answer is always- nothing. I was trying to show him love in the way that I felt loved... We also discussed how he knows that gifts is one of my love languages and he can appreciate what goes into me giving him a gift, from my perspective and that is how I am expressing my love... We talked about the book by Gary Chapman called the Five Love Languages. (which we had both previously read, and I highly recommend, by the way) In this book Mr. Chapman talks about how we each receive and show love in 5 basic ways: 1-Physical Touch, 2-Gifts, 3-Words of Affirmations, 4-Quality Time and 5-Acts of Service, and in my opinion I feel like there's one more and that is 6-Romantic Acts or Gestures - (that is my love language.;)
So now I have learned through the years to not stress about gifts for his Birthday or Christmas, but instead of gifts, I do some extra big acts of service for him like: Ironing all his shirts, detailing his car, or making sure the house is really clean or even just making his favorite foods- He is happy and feels very loved. In a way I feel lucky because Acts of Service Love language is one of the easiest love languages to fulfill, because they usually appreciate the little and big things that you do for them.
Knowing how each of us feels love has made a huge difference in our marriage.
My husband and I can now discuss and figure out when we are both not feeling loved and what to do to change that.
Nice story- but how does this apply to me?
Just like in my story above- Sometimes we may think our sweetheart knows how we feel about them, but in reality they are not feeling that love because we may be speaking a different language. It is important to understand that everyone receives and gives love in different ways, and if we really want our sweetheart to know that we love them, to communicate that love in a way they understand.
I have taken this knowledge and experience and have applied it to my marriage! I also enjoy helping other married couples, by posting easy and romantic love language tips on my social media and also providing easy ways to show Romance in their marriages as well. Throughout the year I will also be blogging about easy and romantic ways to show your spouse love in their love languages but you can also Get 30 Free Love Languages Tips today.
You can also learn more about the importance of being able to speak your spouse's Love Language with my Free Marriage Webinar as well. This is a fun Marriage webinar where I compare being married to owning a car...and how they both need continual maintenance!
In this webinar I teach others how to completely love their spouses by helping them learn what their spouses love languages are and what are some romantic things they can do within that love language to really help their spouse feel loved, even if they are not the romantic type!
Here is snippet from the webinar that goes along with my point...
*Car parts and relationship parts:
"What if your mechanic told you that you need a very specific part to fix your foreign car -but this part is not something you are comfortable with or it is hard to install, so instead you just decided that you would put a part in that you think will work and is easy to install. What is going to happen to the car- It will not work- right.
The same can be true in your relationship if you are trying to show your sweetheart how you love them in only the way that is comfortable for you… It is not going to always work-right. Sometimes we have to do things that are out of our comfort zone to really make things work and to succeed. It is not always comfortable to speak or show love in a way that we are not comfortable, but the more you do it will get easier…
Plus- my goal as a Romance Coach is to make Romance Easy- So I have created 30 easy and romantic ways to show your spouse love in their love language and I will be blogging about it all year as well! this is a Free Recourse for couples in exchange for an email:)
So here is what I want you to do:
1.) Figure out your spouse’s Love language: (how do they show their love to you), talk to them what helps them feel loved, or Take a free quiz here if you do not know how you and your sweetheart feels love! You can also have a helpful discussion(not argument) at a time that you feel is right about how you are feeling in your marriage with your spouse about what you have learned and why you feel like it is important!
2). Watch this Free Marriage Webinar and get my gift of Free 30 easy and romantic ways to show your spouse love in their love language and enter your email where prompted for my deal and discount emails
3.) Start filling your spouse’s love tank with their love language- even if they do not reciprocate. Try and do something each day for a month and see if you notice a difference in your relationship
5.) If you need some help with some romantic gift or date ideas that are all done for you check out my online store at www.romanceenhanced.com/shop or you and your spouse want a year of romance that is delivered to your door check out www.romanceenhanced.com/year-of-romance
6.) Tell your spouse and friends and family about this great resource Share this link with them- :)
Here is what not to do-
Here is what I don’t want you to do-
1.) Don’t do nothing with this information- You clicked on this because your marriage is struggling- so use this information to transform your marriage! It will be up to you to apply it will need to apply it and continually use it to help your marriage! Make it a habit, put reminders on your phone to show your spouse love in their love language!
2.)Don’t email me and ask me to fix your spouse- I can’t do that, and YOU can’t do that. But YOU can start to make changes that will have an impact in your marriage today and when you start filling your spouse’s love tank you will be amazed at what could happen to your love and marriage!
As a Romance Coach- my goal is to help I strengthen marriages through helping you bring in more romance and connection into your marriage again!
I absolutely love to plan creative romantic dates, events, romantic getaways that are all catered to you and your spouse! So you get the benefits of having more connection and romance in your marriage without all the hard work!
I can help you make Romance Easy for you! Learn about how I can do that for your marriage at ...Romance Enhanced Consulting
Josie McEwen- Romance Coach and Founder of Romance Enhanced Consulting