"Love does not just spontaneously happen-Love is created"
So we should be asking ourselves and our spouses and evaluating in our own marriages regularly-
How are we creating love?
And also how are we destroying the love that we once had by what we are doing
And also not doing as well?
When you were dating your spouse and you fell in love, it did not just happen from one individual thing- right? It was the continual, small and simple and maybe some big things as well that created your love and the longing to be together. So it is in marriage, it is the continual small and also sometimes big acts of showing your love on continual basis.
I understand life gets super busy and sometimes the continual efforts of working on your love or marriage gets put to the side, unfortunately. I hope that we can all recommit to being intentional and creating love continually in our marriage, because it is crucial to the survival of your marriage and love.
You may be thinking- but how do I continually create and build upon the love that you have created?
My favorite way to create more love is to focus on your spouse’s Love Languages by Gary Chapman and to try to continually speak to them in that language that helps them feel loved.
It is really hard to communicate with someone when you are both speaking different languages right? So it is in our marriages we all receive and give love in different ways, which are called Love Languages. If you have not heard of the Love Languages, I would highly recommend reading Gary Chapman’s Book- The Five Love Languages of Love. You can also take a free online quiz at http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
as well to learn your spouse’s love language and yours as well. Once you know what your different Love Languages are, you can talk with each other about how you can both create more ways to love each other using their love language.
For example some people really feel loved through physical touch, others through gifts, words of affirmation, quality time and acts of service, And in my opinion there is one more that is not in his book and that is through romance- that is definitely my Love Language!:)
Knowing my spouses love language has been a game changer in my marriage, and helped us connect in ways that are meaningful to both of us! It was not always that way though!
When we were first married I found that I absolutely loved giving thoughtful and romantic gifts to my hubby, thinking he would love it as well. Come to find out after several weeks of feeling frustrated with each other, we had a good discussion. Through this process, I realized I was trying to love him how I wanted to be loved, but not how he received love for him! We were speaking different love languages! I found out that he does not really even like gifts, but instead feels loved through Acts of Service like when I make dinner, cleaned up the house or other things like that. We also talked about my love languages and how he could do more little things to meet my love language of Physical touch like kissing me before he goes to work, small hugs and so forth! I also understand it is not always easy, or comfortable to perform love languages that are not our own- but is very worth it. This one thing alone can help you continually create more love and more connection in your marriage!
Here are some simple romantic tips that could have a big impact for creating more love for your marriage!
Sending flirty texts and inside jokes throughout the day through texts with them. (Words of Affirmations)
Bring home a treat that you know they love (Gifts)
Arrange a baby sitter and surprise them with a night out together to their favorite place (Quality Time)
Do one of their usual chores as surprise for them. (Acts of Service)
Give them a 15 second passionate kiss as they are leaving and coming home.(Physical Touch)
If you need some more ideas of how to speak your spouse’s Love Language check out my Instagram account and Facebook account, where I give simple and easy tips daily, to help you focus on creating more love in your marriage based on the five love languages! You can also find a lot of great tips for the Love Language of Romance there as well!
Romance can also help you connect and
re-connect as couple again!
When it comes to romance in a marriage there is a wide range from "I am not romantic" to "hopelessly romantic" and everywhere in between! My hope is that where ever you are on that scale I can help you see the benefits of creating more romance and love into your marriage!
*Romance does not have to be difficult, or elaborate! It definitely can be- but that is not how it always has to be. It is often the simple things that mean the most in a relationship.
Being intentional and creating romance in your marriage also helps your spouse to remember and rekindle those feelings of love that you already created together.
If you are one, who has no idea what things are considered to be romantic or needs some help getting started with ideas(which is totally fine) please check out www.romanceenhanced.com. As a Romance Coach I would love to help you come up with some ideas and gifts to help you create more romance and love in your marriage!
*Romance can bring the flirty, foreplay side out in both of you again.
*Romance can also reignite that spark and fun back into your marriage as well!
*Romance can help you remember why you fell in love in the first place.
If your marriage has become more of the same thing,
Dull or boring it is time to change it up
With a night of romance!
*A big part of romance also has to do with intimacy as well!
Intimacy in marriage can be a difficult topic to bring up and talk about, however it is crucial to know what your spouse likes and what you can do to help improve intimacy with each other. Here are my tips about intimacy talks:
Always be respectful and kind when talking to each other about anything, but especially with Intimacy!
Feelings run deep with this topic, so be sensitive to each other’s feelings and making sure to always reassure them of your love- regardless of issues or things to be solved/resolved
Issues may not be solved by one conversation, but by many at different times.
Find the right time or schedule a date night or time to talking about issues with intimacy together. *Right after an intimate experience together, might not be the best time to bring it up because one person is sure to be offended and think that you did not enjoy the experience together!
Make sure both partners get a chance to talk about the topic- It is not all one sides- as the saying goes “it take two to tango”. Both of you have a part in creating more love and intimacy together!
Also try not to get defensive if your spouse brings it up, but instead try to think of it as way to create more opportunities and to find new ways to love them.
If direct communication about this topic is difficult- You could also try to write each other kind letters
Try to lighten it up my making it a game of sorts telling or having the other person guess things like my favorite things that you do while making love are…. I would love to have more of…. My least favorite things when being intimate are….
If during these conversations your wife tells you she wants more intimacy in your marriage she may not mean she wants just more sex! Intimacy can mean very different things to men and women. To men it usually equals the physical connection of being intimate and usually to women who is craving emotional connection within intimacy, which helps them feel more loved and validated. Both are crucial and needed in intimacy and both partners should try and help fulfill each other’s needs.
*Emotional intimacy may seem scary and like a hard task for some, but it does not have to be. It can be as simple and daily things throughout the day like:
Calling your spouse form work, just because to let her know you are thinking of them.
Sincerely asking her how she is doing and intently listening without trying to solve her problems.
It could be reminding her how beautiful she is at random times, when maybe she does not feel so beautiful.
It could also mean slowing down the sexual process and adding lots of flirting and foreplay to let your wife get fully ready for intimacy.
Doing simple things that you know turn your spouse on
Or flitting with her throughout the day
However these are just some examples, it really could mean different things to each person,
so the best way to find out what kind of intimacy is important to your spouse is to ask them!
You could start with what things make you feel the most connected intimately?
As an added resource to help you romantically and intimately I have done for you bedroom games that focus on physical side and emotional side of intimacy that can help you reconnect and connect as couple! This is a great resource because; if you do not know where to begin with emotional intimacy- all you have to do is follow the cards within my games. They also will help you bring in more romance to your marriage as well!
You can check them out on the next page and also at www.romanceenahnced.com/bedroom-games
*Also when you use the promo code: MARRIAGECENTER at checkout you will receive an additional 15% off- Good until Feb 11th!
Josie McEwen- Romance Coach Specialist
EASY AND DONE FOR YOU VALENTINE GIFTS
My favorite for Valentine’s Day Gift is The Kiss and Tell Bedroom Game, where you play charades, but you have to guess what your sweetheart is saying through their kisses.
I have games and gifts that spoil her: The Sexy Wife May I Game: Focus mostly on emotional connection, but is also husband approved!
This is the perfect Gift for your football lover. In this game you work together to “SCORE” a touchdown in the Touchdown Bedroom Game.
This is the perfect gift for your basketball lover! Lots of “FOUL PLAY” is encouraged in
The Flirty & Dirty Basketball Game
This is the perfect gift for your baseball and softball lover! You have to try and get to all 4 bases- again in The Baseball Game of Love
You can also buy them in The Ultimate Valentine Package: Which includes, quality chocolates, Rose chocolates, Rose balloon, Rose petals and floating candles, Bracelet and blank card and gift bag
Year of Romance Package where you will get a romantic gift sent to you for Valentine’s day, Mother’s/Father’s Day, Your Spouse’s Birthday, Your Anniversary, Christmas and so much more!
Check out other Easy Valentine Ideas at